Wing People

Lifting each other up to fly a little higher, or maybe just get off the ground

Remember that early internet video—the goofy guy dancing alone at a festival, looking like a right dope flailing about in his own happy dance.

It became a movement yet It wasn’t really him who started the movement. Alone he would have just been the crazy guy. It was the first couple of people who joined him. The ones who made him not look alone. It felt awkward at the beginning, painfully even… people watching from a distance. Then enough people came in, which shifted everything. Suddenly, it wasn’t weird—it was permission. And then the momentum came and every one started dancing.

That’s how movements actually happen. One person sticks their neck out, sure. But it’s the people who come alongside them—the ones who say, I see you, I’m in, You aren’t alone—that make it real. I’ve always loved those people. The wing people. The ones who give just enough wind under someone’s wings to help them lift.

Talking Each Other Up ( the traditional wingman)

In my 20s in Los Angeles, before swipeable apps, dating looked different. We met people in real life—bars, restaurants, random gatherings. And I learned quickly how awkward it felt to talk about yourself. Listing your accomplishments, trying to sound impressive—it rarely landed well. It came off as self-involved, egotistical, annoying or forced.

So we did something different. We talked each other up. We called it winging.

“Oh, this is my friend Katie—we went to USC together, she’s hilarious, she introduced me to this amazing yoga class.”
Or, “She couldn’t come last night—she’s working in marketing with Apple and had a last-minute meeting.”
Or, “This is Alessa—we take dance classes together, she just got back from Mammoth, and she somehow always finds the best taco spots.”

We’d share stories, highlight each other’s strengths, let someone be seen through someone else’s eyes. It felt natural. It felt generous. And honestly, it worked.

I really started to ponder the importance of the role of wing person over decades.

Now lets consider about how it applies to how things function today.

The Power of the Boost

We’re in a system where the biggest voices are backed by massive budgets. Millions of dollars behind a product, a book, a trend. Entire teams optimizing reach, working algorithms, placing content exactly where it will perform best. It’s strategic. It’s engineered.

And then there’s everyone else.

Trying to share something meaningful—a story, a product, an idea—can feel like shouting into the abyss. Post by post, like by like, hoping something catches enough traction to reach beyond your immediate circle. Even incredibly talented people—writers, creators, artists, healers—struggle to get their work seen because the infrastructure around them just isn’t there.

Being the first to crazy dance

I’ve spent a lot of my life being that first person out on the outskirts flailing my arms, (the weirdo) or second person for others.

Helping organic farmers who grew incredible food but didn’t have the language or tools to reach a wider market. Bringing volunteers into the fields so people could feel what it actually takes to grow food without pesticides—bent over in the sun, pulling weeds by hand. That kind of experience changes how you value something.

with my farmer mommas - 8 month pregnant in sweatpants because they were the only ones that fit.

I’ve helped quietly raise funds for communities after devastating loss. Shared stories for people across the world who lost everything and needed a way to begin again. Being the first in a new cafe. Sharing my friends small business posts. Small boosts. Sometimes invisible. But they mattered.

Recently, I heard about someone, John Rinaldo, building a library for writers—a place where authors can support each other, share work, get purchases, and create something lasting outside the endless scroll. A place where a book doesn’t disappear in a feed after 24 hours.

That kind of work is deeply needed and I immediately wanted to to make sure it became more visible within the reach I had.

Because at some point, you run out of ways to promote yourself to your own circle. You don’t want to keep saying, “Hey, look at me.” But when someone else says, “This mattered to me,” it lands differently. It carries weight.

We need more of that.

We need people who say:
“This book changed me.”
“This work shifted something in my life.”
“I’ve been watching this person, and what they’re doing is real.”

Not out of obligation or performance—but because it’s true.

And yes, if we’re honest, we want that in return too. But that’s the nature of it. What we put out tends to come back. Maybe not immediately. Maybe not directly. But it moves.

And it comes back around

I’ve seen that in my own life over and over again.

The woman I gave a free session to years ago showed up recently with bags of clothes that helped my boys through an entire season. The farmers I supported brought me food when I needed it most. Ten kilos of vegetables, week after week. It was never my intention to get by giving. Its simply a karmic law. What we put out comes back around to bless when given freely and with love.

Sometimes it takes years. Sometimes it comes from unexpected places. But it comes.

When you zoom out, you can see the pattern. It becomes a kind of ecosystem. A quiet reciprocity that builds over time.

And yet, I still see so many people trying to do everything alone.

I’ve worked with small business owners for years—helping with design, marketing, communication. And behind the scenes, it’s a lot. Accounting, operations, posting, backend systems, outreach. It’s endless. Most people don’t realize what it actually takes to get something off the ground.

And most don’t make it.

Not because they aren’t talented—but because they’re trying to carry everything themselves in a world designed for scale, teams, and capital.

So maybe the answer isn’t doing it alone. Maybe it’s remembering something much simpler. We need more wing people. People who stand next to the one dancing alone and say, Yeah, this looks ridiculous—but also kind of amazing. I’m in.

People who amplify, who share, who point and say, Look at this.

Because most of us don’t have millions of dollars behind us. But we do have each other. And that, when used well, is its own kind of force.

Some of my favorite wing people here on substack to connect with.

Rolando Andrade - beyond the therapy room.

Holly Erin Copeland -inner rewilding

Amanda Saint - the mindful writer

Marla Grant - inspired grief recovery.

Ruth Urman - the elegant bohemian life

Shifra Clara Wasserstein - loving yourself is key

Paul Wittenberger - Inspired Poems

Jonathan Potter - potter poems

Martin Mc Carthy - incredible poet. professional encourager.

---

LOVE YOU GUYS> TOGETHER WE RISE

✨ Become an ongoing supporter on Substack

✨ Send a one-time gift via PayPal (most helpful, low fee option) ✨

✨ Buy Me a Coffee

✨ Recommend my page (this one is free and so powerful and helpful!)

✨ Restack with your favorite part.