The Beauty Way

Another Look at Our Move to Being Immersed in Nature.

Questions came in as I shared about some of the intense changes, challenges, and differences from modern lifestyles. Friends and family responded with shock and horror as I revealed bits of our daily life during its hardest moments on Facebook.

“Why don’t you want to go back to your old corporate job? How could you raise your kids like this? Why would you ever put yourself through this?”

I fully understand that much of what we went through the first couple years is perceived as unthinkable and terrifying for many through a lens of modernity in the Western world.

They were great questions that helped me review my perspective.

Here’s the other side of the truth, as 2 sides make the whole

It's so gorgeous, and vibrant and many days are simply magical. I can’t begin to describe the magic, but it’s moments when the birds literally sing with me, a butterfly lands on my head, the lightning bugs dance in pattern and rhythm through the trees, thunder rumbles through your body and you feel part of something so magnificent.

There aren't many places left in the world that are so alive in every way. Rare fragrant orchids. Hundreds of bird species of every color. Streams alive and blue with their tinkling song. The golden light stream through leaves towering above and all around. Rainbows splash across the sky illuminating color after a storm. Hummingbirds take shelter in your hand. Diamond rains fall with its soft purifying rhythm.

It is a cathedral of natural beauty.

the spring where my boys go swimming about once a week.

Our long-term plan was always to build, farm, conserve, and share this lifestyle with others. We love the community, the animals, and the plants here. They are our teachers and friends. We’d love to bridge worlds, with communication and ideas. Yes! Some efficiency, structure, and ease to the lifestyle here would be amazing. It will take time.

Through this hard beginning, we have learned to value our very basic needs that the earth provides for and see what it takes to be responsible for them. It is the living breathing system to which we are connected- It provides for every single one of our needs- Air, Water, Food, Shelter, and Clothing. It all comes from the earth. We feel a debt and urge to give back in the way we can.

a trek deeper to the land we want to caretake. It’s in process…

Many people have an experience to visit but not be immersed. A tourist passing through and taking pictures but not really being with it, communing with it, working with it, living with it.

We see a huge movement of humanity away from natural systems and the consequences of that in terms of mental health, lack of self-responsibility, missing awareness and understanding, physical sickness, and spiritual disconnection. Numbed and not used to using their full sensory equipment in their body to feel.

There is a reason that when you go out to nature, it recharges you and brings you back alive. It connects you. We’d like to make it more accessible, so people don’t forget what an old forest looks and feels like.

We want to and will eventually create this life with some more balance but the investment in infrastructure out here is deteriorating and unsupported which means a lot more responsibility for the individual. Us.

We have been in a really challenging interim time where we are living on a property that isn't ours. But we are learning a lot through the process of where and how we want to invest and prioritize. We are learning a lot about ourselves.

A huge part of why it’s been a slow, difficult start: (part was the financial hardships) And also: We want to be of service and have an invitition into the community and land rather than come in and take.

"How much! How much!?" the westerns ask. "To Buy Land!"

It's an ugly expression here. You don't BUY land here in the campo. It's not viewed in the same way as ownership that we learned. There are multi-generational families who know the land as family and a part of themselves. Not something to own at all. But you get invited in only once you show who you are.

We came here to observe first, learn first, experience first. To Be Here. Knowing we are outsiders means being respectful and humble in our approach. This meant taking the long, slow, hard way. Not the "This is Mine Now" way. Not the sign on the dotted line way. But a different way completely.

We have seen too many people bring the city to the countryside and the damage that it creates. Mega mansions, jealousy, walls, consumption, trash and depletion.

We will be able to have a lasting home eventually, but yes starting again feels humbling and we believe in our ability to rebuild in a different way with a new foundation of knowing. Gratitude, value, passions, skills, unity.

Do we see it yet? No, some days are hard because we don't see a lot of tangible, physical progress. It's the roots we are building that are underground, through each relationship, each time we listen, each time we show up hand-in-hand with our neighbor.

old hand tools given new life by my husband: tempered, new handles and will last a generation. Few people know how to fix and sharpen an the community lacks in good tools.

We will get up again each day to try. Perfectly? Nope. But, we asked ourselves, "Are we running away from something or walking with the purpose to create something new?" A new way of existing outside of the old colonial history and energy.

We just didn’t know that we’d start from point zero and have so much broken down around us and within us.

But isn’t it funny how we have to have old models break down before we can build again?

Moving back to nature is a dream people think about but rarely do. I think the benefits far outweigh the challenges. Fresh air, sweet crystalline water, healthy organic food grown with love, a community that pops in and sits to chat and get to know each other. Incredible learning every single day about the medicinal plants, ancient foods, animals, the land, the history, ourselves, and above all taking responsibility for our life in all aspects.

It's healthy for us. It's profound in ways I can't possibly articulate.

I was talking to a friend in Los Angeles about how people feel so lonely and without purpose in the city right now. I remember that thought acutely “How can I feel so alone in a city of 20 million?”

I do not have that sense here, in fact, I feel quite supported and seen out here in the remote jungle where we have one nearby neighbor and some others a 20-minute walk away. Connection and service are still alive. Barter and trade are still alive. Looking people in the eyes and saying "Hello, I see you" is still alive. I live alone in a forest but I don’t feel lonely. I enjoy being with my boys, my thoughts and the whispers of the wind. But the few neighbors we have are warm and will take time to sit and chat in the middle of their days.

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My guys kept me anchored when things got rough. They were alive and bright. Strong and resilient. Curious and Ready.

My boys have a sweet freedom of space and time. They spend their days in a multitude of ways— building forts, climbing trees, swimming in the spring, celebrating a huge avocado, taking care of plants, and reading books. They paint, draw, pick fruit, and problem-solve with each other. They plant flowers or pick them to give me gifts on our many hikes. They fly from the rope swing under the swaying golden leaves and do experiments with foam and volcanoes. They push each other on a hammock or run at top speed through the forest. They celebrate their new friends in the form of baby ducks, an insect, or a neighbor kid. Local children come down to play and learn English when their families are working in the fields. There aren’t walls here.

We homeschool and the amount they are able to absorb and use in just an hour of directed learning is astounding. They use complex math and speak multiple languages daily. They know of practical geography and culture from the many people who visit us from all over the world. They have a vocabulary that rivals well-read adults. They have a love an appreciation for nature and know thousands of plants and animal species. Most importantly, they are curious and always ask questions meaning they will be ever learners, which will serve them throughout their lives. They aren’t afraid to fail or look dumb for asking big or little questions.

I have never seen my kids so enthusiastic to start each day since moving here. They wake up at 5:30-6 am with boundless energy and excitement.

My son Liam told me one night as we were going to sleep: "Every day is so different. That’s why I like going to sleep. You never know what a day will bring. Different clouds, new weather, different people!! There’s a new baby animal being born somewhere! I’m so excited to go to sleep because tomorrow is new."

Time is ours here. We don’t really know what day or month it is. We notice the unfolding of seasons. We don’t have a sense of pressure or rush. People come down for tools to be fixed, or hurting bodies relieved. We share what we know and do. We get an impulse to do what needs to be done as it needs to be done. We plan and envision but without the goal sense in the same way.

It will take some planning, investment of finances as we build them back up, and our sweaty ass labor to get it to a place that feels easier. It’s a big dream and sometimes feels like a sacrifice some days, but the true definition of sacrifice is to let go and make sacred.

So many people interact with nature by taking. Its resources, a selfie, taking in its beauty, its energy to recharge and heal, its harvest. But they don't remember to give back. Usually, only their trash and toxins go back into the living system. We want to give back through our actions and our lives. With our love. Composting, regenerating, harvesting, and having what we take go back in a way that is tangible.

How much can humanity keep taking from a living system without leaving it barren and dead?

What happens when no one caretakes the land? How long until the corporations pour in and exploit every last resource and leave it a wasteland as people run for ease and convenience? What happens when no one lives in nature and there are no eyes to witness what is happening by the extractive industry beyond the paths?

What happens when children are afraid of life-giving nature?

What happens when no one remembers how to grow food, regenerate soil, and bring back the waters? Who suffers when only the corporations own and decide the price for that which keeps us alive? What is lost and what is the tradeoff when you are disconnected from the source that gives life? What happens when humanity forgets what is alive in the first place?

I like to be honest about the tradeoffs. I see too many people move off-grid or to alternative lifestyles and only post the positives (and there really are so many benefits) but I try to share the full range of the experience which tends to be vulnerable, but more truthful from my perspective. It’s been hard. Really, hard but it’s getting easier as we learn and let go of what doesn’t work for us. It’s getting lighter.

Sure, I had moments asking in wracking tears, screaming at the jungle, “Why do you want to eat me alive!? It feels like you want to kill me some days. I thought you were all rainbows and butterflies.” It responded loud and clear. “I’m all of it. All of it is love if you can zoom out and see the greater purpose of even the hard and seemingly negative. Everything is connected. Everything has a role and a reason. It’s all love”. It will take me a lifetime to fully understand this.

It also simply isn't for everyone.

It's a lot of work, it's a lot of discomfort especially when we come from a society that is built on speed, convenience, addiction, hoarding, immediacy, superficiality, avoiding discomfort, and a total disconnection of how much energy goes into everything necessary to live.

So many people live for the next purchase or get totally wrapped up in the me me me, go go go, without much thought of how and why. Here we put in a lot of thought. Deep consideration of our creative and life-force output. What is taken, What is given. What is created? Why does it matter?

It's satisfying. It's beautiful. It's meaningful, it's in a service bigger than ourselves and it does make me happy. Content. Fulfilled. We consider where our energy goes on so many levels. We go to bed with light hearts.

It’s got its magic AND, I’ll also share about bugs, rats and using candles and breaking down cause of lots of unexpected hard things. Those are Life too.

I get that this looks insane to many eyes. I get it. It looks a bit crazy to me too. All I can do listen to is my heart. And yes. I’ve doubted many times. I can still see it through eyes that look like “This is filthy, impoverished, difficult, inefficient, stupid and opposite of where many run.”

But we are still here and committed. The benefits outweigh the challenges.

I get we are one family. What difference can that make with where the world is headed? I don't know. But I'm willing to put my money where my mouth is and my actions where my values are.

We invite others to come along and support our journey in their own way. By gaining perspective from it, or tangibly giving back to our family taking care of what many have forgotten—The value of life in the form of this beautiful sacred land. Eventually we will have a place to offer to others for a level of connection that few are able to make.

See our larger vision: https://fundrazr.com/NawaFoundation

The reasons why people were horrified about our choices to live in the Jungle.