Mac Woes & Miracles.

How to stand by, breathe, and receive

I attempted to share the story of how Substack, the universe and maybe karmic closures brought me the technology I needed to reenter society. But I realized in the last few days the unfolding story hadn’t yet been completed.

I don’t think you could really even come up with this stuff. It's been wild for me to witness. But it happened and I’m still trying my brain is still trying to come to terms and make sense of it.

The beginning of the update that I tried to share.

I sit before you now with my mind blown and my heart bursting. This place has been a place full of hope, beautiful writers and readers from all over the world connecting with honesty and wisdom that I find so utterly meaningful. Like a tribe of seers popping up after a long solo journey to discover more who they are and who they aren’t, coming together again as the rise from the depths and from the ashes of transformation.

I follow quite a range of people here from all ages, genders, cultures, interests and credences. Artists, poets, mothers, fathers, students. People living off the beaten path lives, those focused on spirituality, and natural living. I connect with business owners and people who comment on sports and comic books. I like people with a story to tell and share it from the heart. Those with a poetic soul who can paint with words come from all walks of life.

I find threads of wonder, willingness and vulnerability connect us all.

But you guys, seriously went from friends to family as many of you have also become my guardian angels and personal heroes. Because of your generosity, caring, encouragement, and prayers, I can work. I have hope.

I have a new (only 6 years old this time) working computer in front of me. Because of you. So if you want to stop there. Cool. Good, Megan is able to work and write and that’s that. Yay!

But the weaving tale and miracles of how and what I received were stunning to me, so I’ll share it.

Some ups and downs on the mountain to gain perspective and talk to God. I Took my boys on adventures rather than freak out. I’ve learned a lot from life’s curveballs. Don’t resist or panic. Breathe, soften and lighten instead.

——

Flashback: I saw a MacBook Pro (the only computer I’ve ever used since I was 17) in a local shop of my favorite tech-fixing hero months ago. I heard clearly when I saw it, “This is your computer.”

My brain thought. “Yeah sure, Megan you don’t have the funds for that.”

Now I knew my old computer was on its last legs. It had only held a 45 min charge, I wasn’t able to download anything new: WhatsApp update, or live streaming software. It overheated, made weird noises, and sometimes just shut down when it wanted to. But it was still trucking even after over a decade even after living in a very hot, humid jungle.

I had been slowly cleaning the computer off and trying to it back up when my eternal hard drive also stopped working. (no cloud here) I simply didn’t know how I’d pay for a new anything or even have one shipped down because of lengthy and costly import fees even if someone had an extra lying around.

Then a few weeks ago, my computer started smoking. The charging cable was busted, the hardware inside didn’t look good — the charging input looked fried. The computer wouldn't take a charge. I took in the computer to have it looked at but he couldn't do much, and we found out that the cable was no longer made. We’d have to look internationally and ship it which could mean months to receive. (if at all)

When my computer when kaput, I thought I lost 20 years of writings, photographs, artwork and my livelihood to support my family.

Please understand: a well-made computer even being available and physically for sale in my little Andean village was the first miracle.

There is no Genius Bar here, there is no Mac store. There is no one click Amazon shipping to my house. I don’t have a home address or even a reliable post office here. To find one, figure out logistics, deal with a complex customs process, let alone find the funds all felt like enormous hurdles. Many of the local pcs are known to fry and break after months or move like snails.

Further “what are the chances” happenings:

• I posted in note form, on a whim that I didn’t know when I’d be back on Substack because I can’t really write well on my old glitchy iPhone 7 and my computer died.

• Some friends here said, “Post the fundraising link!” (My brain: What? I can ask for the money for it?”)

• So, I shared the basic links I had already set up in the comments- PayPal and Buy me a coffee and my Mom’s Venmo in a the comments. (Can’t Venmo in Peru)

• I struggle to get up one full post to give the update to subscribers. It took me 6 hours… copying and pasting into a crap phone that deletes my writing when I’m mid-sentence, cheeky bastard.

• Spent time in prayer, meditation and mostly in quality fun time with my kids in the sun mostly just hearing, “Things will work out”

• Did my best to work through panic and breathe through.

• Me requesting a lot: "Please God. Let me know if there is a lesson to learn from this." I simply heard, “Trust spirit, we got you. You aren't alone and you need to really know that.” Also "write the books. write the books" (I realized how much I would lose if I lost my writings and not turn it into something tangible. I all of a sudden saw it’s value)

• Within days, funds came in to cover the cost of the laptop (and some) just from the quick updates on substack. Much of which came from people who had never commented, subscribed or even interacted. (What?! You angels, I had no idea that there were people reading passively, but somehow moved to support me. Thank you for every gift and positive thought.)

• Then I got my first tooth infection ever and was able to use the additional funds that I received. It was just enough to cover the emergency visit to a high-quality dentist in Cusco with my 3 boys on a bus hour away. The state of our mouths isn’t good. In the developing and rural areas in Peru the care we had access to, meant every filling we got fell out. We were also making 5-10 dollars a day to live on for 3 years and our funds were severely limited) Turns out we have to come up with 3k to get our mouths healthy. all good! sure it’ll be fine. Brushing and flossing like nobody’s business.

• Extra hiccup getting into my banking because all of it was previously done from my laptop (never used a phone for finances and didn’t have my passwords saved) The funds sat across platforms and I was not sure how to get the cash so I could use it in Peru.

• Somehow, I got a not-so-random call from my tech guy: There was a magical 1 time only charge he was able to get but could promise no more, so I had 45 min (my old computer battery life) to salvage all passwords and move money so we had cash to live on and pay for the computer.

• He also called me to say he had a different buyer that day and I had to pay him that day, in cash or he had to sell it, (he had some debts to pay but he'd wait as long as he could for me.)

• I was able to miraculously find a way to transfer the funds through 3 platforms and 2 international banks. I had cash in hand that day ( in twelve years, this has never happened.)

• I went to physically pay at the shop a block from my office, and all of a sudden had the laptop in my hands. The one that I heard “ This is your computer,” months ago. It was a well -made beast that would allow me to seamlessly move my workflow and accounts and files. (And probably live for another 10 years!)

• I plugged it in to get back to work and it started immediately smoking and reeking of the hot electrical fire smell. Of course, I immediately unplugged, and wrote a message to my friend while hysterically and manically laughing. Like. SERIOUSLY!

• I walked to his office, we switched out cables, said a prayer, laughed at the "what are the chances, it was running perfectly” and things have been running smoothly since. (Why you jokester, universe Did you have to give me an extra panic attack)

So you’d think. That’s it. Computer in my hands.

No there is more. ( This was the version of what I was about to post a few days ago)

I got a call from a distant friend who lived in my guest home 11 years ago. She had something for me. We met at a local cafe and she handed me her Macbook laptop with original, perfect condition, charging cable. "Here, this is yours."

What?!

She had no idea my computer had tanked. I didn’t share it on Facebook or with anyone other that quickly on Substack. She just synchronistically wanted me to have it.

It was the exact model of my dead computer. The cable I was told would take months to arrive (if we could even find it) was in my hands.

She told me that I had helped her get this computer many many years ago (I had no recollection) and helped her so much when she moved here and that she wanted me to have it. She had just broken up from an old toxic, dangerous and draining relationship and leaving the country. She was cleaning house.

She had no idea about of our state of poverty; she had no idea that my computer was dead. She had no idea that I'd been skipping meals so my kids could eat or that our shoes were held together with silicon glue from the craft shop. She had no idea what she was offering. She just randomly gifted me a computer that would allow me to charge and fix the old computer and salvage all of my data. I hadn’t even seen her in years.

I asked God, "Do I take this? I have a computer. Isn’t this enough? Isn’t this greedy? I heard. “This was for you, this is yours. This is a closed debt she felt she owed you for all the help you gave her.”

Her cable allowed me to fix the original computer.

What? I have 3 working computers. My original old but not updatable computer, The laptop from the shop that was miraculously there. And a same model MacBook Pro from a friend I hadn't seen in years with a brand new charger.

By being able to transfer files and fix my original computer I received another miracle because I realized that I could use it for my kid's homeschooling. I was also, out-of-the-blue, gifted a lifetime subscription for a homeschooling platform from a friend in Los Angeles, He was a designer friend and neighbor I'd helped out in the past with some health issues. We hadn’t been able to use the program because of 1. No reliable internet or electricity in the jungle. 2. The boys had an old ipad they shared (also sent from a friend) and which also died in the last 2 months. So now I have a place to support their homeschooling which saves me an enormous amount of time to gather materials.

So what about the third computer? The bonus gift. the one that unlocked 2.

The very next day, I get a call from my tech friend. He says. "You won’t believe this, but I really need to buy that laptop because someone has a fried motherboard and needs some extra parts from your exact model. She’s in a panic. I’ll pay you cash and will the fix all your tech and hard drives and transfer all of your files— no charge.” (I still hadn't figured out how to pay for any of the fixing of old tech.)

So you know that rent I wasn’t sure how to pay this month since I couldn’t work for 3 weeks? and we are running on fumes? Yeah. Now I can. Because he came to my house, picked up the laptop and transferred the money to my Peruvian account that day. I had 3 days to figure it out.

Quick Review of miracles.

The computer I heard in a whisper that it was mine was actually mine. The cable that was unavailable and no longer made was in my hands. My data with my life’s work was recovered at no charge. My external backup hard drive is working. My kids have a homeschooling computer which means I have more time. My rent is paid with 3 days to go. I remembered that I helped a lot of people through the years.

I have had a long, historically hard time asking for help. I’ve worked since I was 11. I have taken on multiple jobs to moonlight for decades. I have been known work til 3 am and sleep for 3 hours… I’ve figured out to support my family in a new country, in a new language, solo, for 12-13 years.

If there is a way to do it on my own, I will absolutely find it. I’ll machete paths, haul water and print out my kids' homeschooling course an hour away in the blazing heat. I was the person in the office that everyone asked for help because they knew I’d respond and they knew I’d get it done.

But asking and then receiving? Um... new. Do I fear jealousy, judgment or comparison that I got three computers in the course of 3 weeks? uh-huh. Do I have a hard time resting? 100%.

I have always believed in making the world more beautiful than I left it and simply caring for people when they ask for help. If I can give it, I just do it.

I carry my elder neighbors’ groceries to her door 6 blocks away, open doors for shared buses, give my seat to someone in a cafe, and click on every small business promotion to help the algorithm. I’ve actually given the shirt off my back and the blanket off my bed. I’ve donated to tons of friends' fundraisers consistently throughout my life. I fed many friends, single mothers, elderly neighbors, sick friends because I had extra food. I’d just pack up a little to-go thing and think nothing of it.

I have been the hype man or wingman a friend needs. I respond to thousands of people's messages about physical ailments even if they have no interest in a weird shamanic energy session that says it can heal. And I give away my courses and content for free. I sat in fields with neighbors and help them walk again because I can't stand knowing that they suffer in pain every day while working so hard to feed others, with so little money. I give channeled messages out and about throughout my day because Spirit is looking for a voice and I know the messages will be healing and helpful.

I helped a mom separated from her 3 kids in Venezuela get her kids into the country and paid for her paperwork and bus tickets. I helped get funds to a calligrapher in India who lost everything in a horrible flood and had a sick son. I volunteer at orphanages. I helped run an organic farmers' collective of Peruvian mothers because my skills are able to help them get volunteers, tools and new sales that they deserve. I plant flowers wherever I go *literally* and just give away hundreds of plants because my garden was abundant. I leave rentals spotless with a big blooming garden. I gave away furniture and clothes to people. I organized donation drives for warm clothes for elders high on the mountain, those who were forgotten. I answer friends' calls when they need help. I just did my best to answer the call in general.

I did not think of any of it at the time. Actually, I completely forget. It was only sitting in mediation that the memories came flooding back of the little things I had put out into the collective over time. Oh yaaahh.…It is just something I do. It felt easy and natural. It’s something I’ve always done. I’ve never wanted anyone to suffer because I know how horrific it is and what despair felt like in my past. I've never wanted credit or visibility. I just wanted to quietly do what I do.

This time, I heard that it was my turn. I'm also part of creation. I'm also drop of a worthy humanity. I'm also held by love.

It was easy to give… because I don’t see a separation between me and humanity, as we are one. I’m only learning boundaries now. (for example, to say no sometimes or charge for my training, services and time. (Learning!!)) But then to just receive in the last 3-4 months…When I was so flattened. So low. I had tried so many things. I’ve been so tired.

Man, It’s been life-changing. And humbling in many ways.

It’s been faith-building of the balance of creation, of humanity, of myself, and ultimately the incoming of love in many forms. On some level It feels like some sort of karmic inheritance that I can barely fathom. But I also know it was real people, real human guardian angels who chose to help, be generous, be kind-hearted and take care of me, my sons and my work.

So. Cheers to Mac Miracles.

In notes, I shared that I’d start writing about more of the miraculous and synchronistic things that have happened in my life and why I’ve learned to trust in new and deeper levels with each go around. There is more to come about how mountains yelled to me, or caves that liquified, or buddhist lanterns that were lit on a day that wasn’t buddhas birthday on the day before I left the monastery. Or how I get kicks and pushes to do really weird things in the middle of my day. Or that I think miracles are actually the way of life. All the time. We just don’t see them or allow them to exist.

Support the work, my family and our teeth— the next exciting personal chapter.

https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/tresososperu

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